Folk Song Revisited! -- The Riddle Song

I take my folk music very seriously. Folk music is a strange tradition filled with magical wonder. I love the old songs. Still, a lot of people limit folk music to the narrow definition of topical songs, those that deal with current events. So, "Folk Song Revisited!," a new and possibly recurring segment, will refigure an old classic with new, topical lyrics. This time out we will look at "The Riddle Song." Many of you will remember this from a delightlfully crappy version by Stephen Bishop in the film Animal House. He was the pretty boy on the staircase whose guitar got bashed to shreds by John Belushi doing his best Pete Townsend impersonation. Bishop actually is much better then that segment suggested. He added two songs to the soundtrack, one of which "Dream Girl," was a fabulous send up of late fifties love pop.

Anyway, here are the original lyrics:

I gave my love a cherry that had no stone.
I gave my love a chicken without no bone.
I gave my love a story that had no end.
I gave my love a baby with no cryin'.

How can there be a cherry that has no stone?
How can there be a chicken that has no bone?
How can there be a story that has no end?
How can there be a baby with no cryin'?

A cherry when it's bloomin', it has no stone.
A chicken when it's in the egg, it has no bone.
The story of I love you, it has no end
A baby when it's sleepin, it's no cryin'

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This little ditty was rather easy to revise. I just changed the last verse. Here it is, new and improved for these modern times:

A cherry has no stone when its genetically modified.
A chicken has no bone when shaped into nuggets and deep fried.
The story got made into a movie; they'll make part duex.
The baby won't be cryin' if it wants to live til' two.

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(On an ethical side note, I fretted heavily over the last line. Its so mean. And I love children. But then I realized that this was satire and that I don't like genetic modification, reconfigured meat (though I do have a miniscule soft spot for chicken nuggets), or needless sequels either. Still, I'm not sure that child abuse cases are worse than before, though perhaps more publicized.