Why fauxhawks suck

Because they are a lazy man's mohawk.

The mohawk probably originated in that ancient, yet futuristic land beyond Thunderdome, but as a fashion statement it originated in 1977 London as part of the punk movement. I remember seeing one I wanted in National Lampoon's European Vacation. It had four spikes that were each about two feet tall. Three were hot pink while the one in back was electric lime. Exquisite, I say. Now that I'm older, I have less infatuation with mohawks (I have an (ir)rational fear that hair coloring contains harmful chemicals) but more respect for them (I have since discovered the Sex Pistols and fallen in love with the Clash). What all this means is that, the mohawk originated as a political statement. Judging from the Sex Pistols, the political statement is that we should have an anarchic society where people are free to tar and feather women who have abortions (okay, so I'm confusing "Anarchy In the UK" with "Bodies" and throwing some good old American Revolution into the mix, but everyone knows James Madison was the forefather of the punks.) Judging from what punk evolved into, its a fairly ethical liberal movement that masks itself in scary lip piercings that send Parliament running scared before it will pass any of their policies. I respect a lot of what they stand for though.

People with fauxhawks, not so much. I feel like I can't trust them because they arent' ready to commit to anything. They have a fauxhawk now, but they could run a brush through it and have a completely different style in five minutes. with a mohawk, you're kind of stuck. The best you can do is a half comb over. Sure, fauxhawks are popular with potentially anti-establishemtarian types like emo kids and wannabe hipsters, but those people will never be able to enact any real change, including to mainstream hairstyling, because of their lack of commitment.