2008 -- The Most Disappointing Albums

1. Hank Williams III- Damn Right Rebel Proud

I've never had a problem with Hank III's vulgarity, and it absolutely enhanced Straight To Hell, but I think with this album it really isn't working. I wanted so badly to be a fan of this collection of songs, but for the most part the ones that stood out only did so in a negative way, and all because he is taking himself to seriously. Just from the song titles alone, like "Candidate For Suicide," "H8 Line," and "Stoned & Alone," you can tell Hank has left the party behind and, rather than being social with good people, he is just stuck on seeing how anti-social he can be.

2. Van Morrison - Keep It Simple Van Morrison has been making the same album over and over, with some changes, since 1968's seminal Astral Weeks. On Keep It Simple, Van Morrison has made all of the possible variations of that album twice over, and is thus recording an album that shows how utterly bored he is. Many reviewers have commented on how Morrison spends a verse of one song repeating the non-syllable "blah" over and over again. Actually, it's two verses. What's sad is that, in his prime, Morrison could have made "blah" sound interesting for as long as he wanted to, working it over like those gutteral 70s howls that punctuated his epics, but now it simply sounds like stagnation.

Honorable Mention: Guns'n'Roses - Chinese Democracy

Nothing could live up to what Axl promised.

Best of 2008 Mix Tape

It is that time of year again; the time when I summarize the best new music that I listened to this year, compiling it onto a disc. These are twenty of the best.

1. Mudcrutch - "Shady Grove" (from Mudcrutch)

Mudcrutch, Tom Petty's original band, shares at least half of its genetic material with the Heartbreakers. In the Heartbreakers, though, it is clear that, while Mike Campbell and Benmont Tench often shine, Petty is always in control. Mudcrutch is a bit more democratic. The group is prone to instrumental bluegrassy jamming, the kind of stuff that wouldn't be out of place on an album like Workingman's Dead. This brings the players to the forefront. Also, Petty often shares the vocal mic or relinquishes it completely, giving even more prominence to the other members of the band. While their original songs are also great, their covers might be their best. Their take on Roger McGuinn's "Lover of the Bayou" sears it, but the real cake is their jovial jaunt on the traditional "Shady Grove."

2. Jakob Dylan - "Evil Is Alive and Well" (from Seeing Things)

Almost every review I read of this album pointed out that, while people expected an acoustic album from Jakob Dylan to be just like his dad's work, there couldn't be two artists more different. Hogwash. The problem is, critics are comparing Jakob to Bob's earlier work; what he really sounds like is Bob's later work. If Dylan ditched the cowboy band and stripped back his sound, this is exactly the kind of record he would make. The album is where Bob's Modern Times meets Springsteen's Nebraska. Several melodies borrow heavily from traditional songs and the lyrics are opaquely apocalyptic. No where are they more apocalyptic than on "Evil Is Alive and Well," a song personifying Satan in various contemporary guises. Haunting.

3. Hayes Carll - "Beaumont" (from Trouble In Mind)

Rather than one of the endlessly witty comic songs he has received a small bit of recognition for, "Beaumont" is perhaps Carll's saddest song; a song about a potential relationship that fails because of a series of missed coincidences. It begins with an implosion of pathos: "I saw you leaning on a dream." The line meets that perfect balance of the concrete and the metaphysical, and with descriptions of the bar he saw her in and the white rose he tried to woo her with between them, the line takes even on more emotional weight when it comes back at the song's end.

4. The Moldy Peaches - "Moldy Peaches" (from Juno)

Maybe I ust love this so much because its the closest thing my giral and I have to a song. Its filled with great little contradictions though, like "we sure are cute for two ugly people." It also includes the Konami Code (up, down, up, down, left, right, left, right, B A start), which is an accomplishment for any pop song. It references John Henry and Don Quixote in the brilliant amalgam of "Don Quixote was a steel-drivin' man." Despite having a late 2007 jump start, this song wasn't ubiquitous for me until 2008.

5. Flight of the Conchords - "Robots" (from Flight of the Conchords)

Futuristic meta-electronica about doing the robot. Not bad. This humorous number also features the only binary solo ever, chanting 1 and 0 in various combinations. The real winner though is the catchy melody that couches the phrase "we used poisonous gasses and we poisoned their asses." Also, it sounds like Kermit the Frog has a cameo when the dude sings "global robo depression." The last few seconds, though, may be the most annoying part of the mix tape.

6. Randy Newman - "Piece of the Pie" (from Harps and Angels)

Any song capable of getting John Mellencamp's panties in a bunch is okay in my book, especially when it calls him Johnny Cougar. I like Mellencamp alright, but I'm pissed off he'd take offense at a song so brilliantly witty. This song takes on socialized healthcare, celebrity ad spots, and Bono's humanitarian posturing while exposing the inherent problems with wealth distribution. This song is one of Newman's finest moments ever, and is easily the best satire of 2008.

7. Flowers Forever - "Strange Fruit" (from Flowers Forever)

This song starts off with horns, showing it, as all versions are, is indebted to the indelible voice of Billie Holiday. Once the drums start, though, it is off in a totally different direction. Almost mariachi in the rhythms and howled in an anguished yelp. After Abel Meeropol, the song's composer, got done being blown away I think he'd appreciate it.

8. Dr. John & the Lower 911 - "Dream Warrior" (from The City That Care Forgot)

This swampy funk haunts my dreams like a samurai warrior ready to take on the whole of FEMA, which is more or less what Dr. John is in spirit. He references "Strange Fruit" again, but recontextualizes it to the Ninth Ward rather than Southern lynching. This is among the best protest songs of the year.

9. Scarlett Johansson - "I Wish I Was In New Orleans" (from Anywhere I Lay My Head)

The piano softly plunks out a music box tinkle of a lullaby as Scarlett half-talks this breathy and deeply textured love letter. I don't know whether to take a shot of whisky, slow dance under a dixie moon, or do both.

10. Elvis Costello & the Attractions - "Turpentine" (from Momofuku)

This song is like Paul McCartney on amphetamines. The melody is great, the harmonies are better. The wicked organ and the driven drumming push it along, and the whole thing ends up feeling like a Victorian bender.

11. Guns'N'Roses - "Madagascar" (from Chinese Democracy)

The logical sequel to "Civil War," "Madagascar" explodes with excellent vocals form Axl before disintegrating into a post-modern mish-mash of sampled sources from films, speeches, etc. Part ballad, part rocker, it is so far my favorite of a host of great songs on Chinese Democracy.

12. Katy Perry - "I Kissed A Girl" (from One of the Boys)

I realize that she is just trying to, quite sluttily, capitalize on lesbian chic. I also realize that she may actually be an animatronic manikin. Still, even I don't really respect her, I respect the brilliance between the power pop of "I Kissed A Girl." It is an anthem, even if it stands for nothing but a desire on Perry's part to pocket a fat wad of cash.

13. Ry Cooder - "Spayed Cooley" (from I, Flathead)

Okay, so maybe Randy Newman has some competition in the satire category. "Well, you hear a lot of talk about Homeland Security. It sounds to me like someone's gonna make some seeeerious money out of the deal" starts out Kash Buk, the fictional narrator of I, Flathead. He goes on to explain how he has all the security he needs. It's called his dog.

14. Hayes Carll - "It's A Shame" (from Trouble In Mind)

Born from the same thematic ground as "Beaumont," but a bit jauntier, this song comes off bittersweet. There's little sweeter than "kissin' for hours beneath that sweet magnolia," but it just makes a line like "standin' at the window with a broken window view" all the harder to take when you realize circumstances just won't let the love be.

15. Hank Williams III - "The Grand Ole Opry (Ain't So Grand Anymore)" (from Damn Right Rebel Proud)

This song encapsulates the movement to reinstate Hank Sr. into the Grand Ole Opry. With righteous indignation, Hank III composes a one-man manifesto.

16. Scarlett Johansson - "Falling Down" (from Anywhere I Lay My Head)

The piano falls like rain onto a bed organ chords with plucked strings behind it. Scarlett sounds masculine and strong, and imagining that voice couched in her feminine figure makes her even more alluring. As gorgeous as anything Tom Waits has made.

17. Randy Newman - "Korean Parents" (from Harps and Angels)

Always one to accept responsibility, Randy Newman tells today's young parents that their "parents aren't the greatest generation." This song looks at the anxiety of influence in a realm out side of literary criticism, and how anyone under 70 uses their parents success as a reason for their failure. This is a useless strategy. To contravent it, Newman suggests hiring Korean parents to take care of the kids. As he points out, Koreans are good student not because they are smarter than other ethnicities, but because their parents force them to work hard on their schooling.

18. Jakob Dylan - "All Day and All Night" (from Seeing Things)

Jakob owes his dad for this one. This song is filled with those declaratives that come out of nowhere that filled Bob's "Love and Theft" in 2001 and The Basement Tapes 40 years ago. "Bees make honey. I'll make it mine." "Don't crowd me lady, or I'll fill up your shoe." "I do it big or don't do it at all." "I'm no pig without a wig." "Ain't got no baggage that I can't use." "My captain's decorated." "Got more good luck than I'll ever u se." Can you tell the difference? The peak of copying his dad comes with the line "Me and Delia -- we're more than friends" in which Jakob places himself in the context of the folk tradition. If you take Bob's version of "Delia" on World Gone Wrong seriously, Delia is more than a friend; she's the woman who drove his dad to suicide.

19. Bob Dylan - "Red River Shore" (from Tell Tale Signs)

This epic tale is full of mystery. A man who can bring people back from the dead? I've got some ideas on the language he used.... Most people interpret the ending as revealing that the girl from the red river shore is in fact dead. I'm not so certain. I think the speaker himself is dead. That reading would certainly be in keeping with the folk tradition and seems entirely plausible given Dylan. People who read it the other way point out that when he asks about the girl, "no one knew who [he] was talkin' about." Later, though, he says that he doesn't think "anyone ever saw [him] there at all, 'cept the girl from the red river shore." No one said they didn't see her; they said that they only didn't know who she was. The speaker could have already been dead when he saw her, and maybe that's why no one responded; they can't see him because he is but a ghost. The girl may be a ghost now too. At least one of them needs "that guy who lived a long time ago."

20. Flowers Forever - "Happy New Year" (from Flowers Forever)

This song would have fit great in a late 60s art film. Garage rock, the holiday season and in-song spelling all come together here. The guitars and organ grow to a fever pitch of new year enthusiasm.

100 Albums, 100 Words (80-71)

80. Metallica – Ride the Lightning (1984)

At the opening of “Fight Fire With Fire” one may think that Metallica has gone soft; after a few seconds the song breaks into a rock-hard riff that maintains the melodicism achieved in the introduction. “For Whom The Bell Tolls” makes Cliff Burton’s case as the great lost bassist. “Fade To Black” is a great ballad. “Creeping Death” is speed metal. Metallica has songs which are better than just about anything here (“Master of Puppets,” “Unforgiven,” “One”), but on no other album have they been able to sustain such a high level of searing guitar work and excellent songwriting throughout.


79. Loretta Lynn – Van Lear Rose (2004)

Loretta looks like the queen she is gazing out from the front yard on the cover of Van Lear Rose. Jack White was able to revitalize her career, inspiring her to write the whole album and providing some fiery licks. As a result, the album includes some of her best material, including “Portland, Oregon,” (I need to try sloe gin fizz.) “Family Tree” and “Van Lear Rose.” “Mrs. Leroy Brown” is one of the funniest novelty songs ever, and one of the smartest – a post-modern response to the misogyny of men characterized by Jim Croce’s folk-hero “Bad, Bad Leroy Brown.”


78. Hank Williams III – Straight To Hell (2006)

While I may not be quite the crazed drug addict Hank III paints himself to be, I’ll sure as hell drink to it, toasting Kentucky Deluxe to “Pills I Took.” We share so many things… a hate of mainstream country, a seething hate for Kid Rock, and a love of our “Country Heroes.” Also, anyone who makes a forty-two minute song, even if it is a medley, is cool in my book. Estranged from Wal-Mart, Hank Jr., and even his own record company, Hank III has space to be a “Crazed Country Rebel,” and makes this, the essential cowpunk record.


77. Aerosmith – Toys In the Attic (1975)

Permanent Vacation (before they added the wings logo to the cover) was my first tape, but Toys In the Attic was my second, and my first real introduction to what rock’n’roll could be. It established Aerosmith as my first favorite group, which they remained from 1987 through 1992. The song titles alone intrigued me; “Uncle Salty”? Best of all, this is the songwriter’s favorite Aerosmith album; not quite as rocking as Rocks, but better crafted and more melodic. “You Hear Me Crying” is the band’s best ballad and “Round and Round”’s circular riff makes it live up to its name.


76. Elvis Costello and the Imposters – The Delivery Man (2004)

Alternating between rockabilly rave-ups and tear-jerkers, Elvis Costello created one of the finest country albums ever, and perhaps too sincere in its aims to even label it alt. country or country rock. Of the rave-ups, “Bedlam” is the most mind-blowing, featuring a barnstorming bass line and jagged guitar riffs. Cameos from Emmylou Harris bring to life the best ballads, especially “Heart-Shaped Bruise.” Musically it could be King of America 2, but thematically it deals with heartache among the working class and the hot-button topic of religion and politics, most specifically the evolution-vs.-creationism thread that runs through "From Monkey To Man."

75. Bob Dylan – Oh Mercy (1989)

Although Time Out of Mind received more attention, this was the true beginning of Dylan’s comeback. Here Dylan first teamed with Daniel Lanois, who provided the swamp-like feel Dylan needed to examine the world’s moral compass, as he does on “Ring Them Bells” and “Man In the Long Black Coat.” “Most of the Time” features a killer bass line and heartbreaking tension in the lyric. “Where Teardrops Fall” is gorgeous. There are weaknesses: “Political World” gets preachy, though it rocks; “Disease of Conceit” is ick; “Born In Time” was left off. Still, this album holds its own among Dylan’s best.


74. U2 – Achtung Baby (1991)

Sometimes, sequencing is everything. On Joshua Tree, the hits are all front loaded, whereas here “One,” “Mysterious Ways” and “Even Better Than the Real Thing,” are spread out enough that the magnificent songs between them – “So Cruel,” but also the transcendent “Who’s Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses?” and the intricate blaze of “The Fly” – receive the attention they deserve. Released as singles, these songs didn’t perform as well as some of the other songs on the charts, but their placement on the album makes them stand out in contrast to their surroundings; this is why Achtung Baby works so well.


73. Bob Dylan – Modern Times (2006)

Modern but not contemporary, this album conjures the ghost(s) of T. S. Eliot (and Henry Timrod) to help make sense of this mortal plane. In Chronicles, Dylan claims that he prays that he can be a kinder person, something that each of us wants. That idea is present throughout this album, an album haunted by the apocalypse as much as any other in Dylan’s career. Dylan’s wry observations, set to rockabilly boogies, mid-tempo shuffles and rich piano ballads, thrust the world’s flaws in our face and ask us to accept the world anyway; a brave solution in a troubled time.


72. June Carter Cash – Wildwood Flower (2003)

One experiences a slight twinge when hearing June Carter declare “all the injuns in them hills have gone berserk” in “Road to Kaintuck.” Eek! This pang comes not only from the slur she has just spouted, but also from the virile force of anger her voice ushers forth. It’s scary. Even at 73 June was the toughest lady on either side of the Mississippi. The duet with Johnny on “Temptation” makes “Jackson” pale in comparison. June’s homespun commentary, particularly her stories about Lee Marvin, tie the album together, giving the ancient songs a continuity and a place in American tradition.


71. Byrds – Sweetheart of the Rodeo (1968)

Sweetheart of the Rodeo served as country rock’s coming out party, hosted by Gram Parsons. Perhaps the best track here is “Hickory Wind,” featuring an aching melody both sung and written by Parsons. McGuinn sings on the majority of the album, much to Parsons chagrin, though the results are as delightful as anyone could hope for. The song selection is another joy, mixing the traditional (“I Am A Pilgrim,” Guthrie’s “Pretty Boy Floyd”) with covers of contemporary material (Dylan’s “Nothing Was Delivered” and “You Ain’t Goin’ Nowhere”). It is this album we have to thank for Wilco and The Jayhawks.